of a hope
vaguest dreams
piercing time
i love
the 2 beauties
ugly face
a heaven in hell's despair

produced by igor lobanov

recorded and engineered by evgeny trushin at snc records autumn 1999. mixed by evgeny trushin and igor lobanov at snc records july 2000. mastered by sergey rybin at snc records.

all music and lyrics by rouben kazariyan except below indications
arranged by nordream:

bass- mikhail khololov
drums- stas koulikov
guitars- rouben kazariyan
keyboards- julia chistyakova

excerpts on of a hope and vaguest dreams taken from the protest against life on-line diary by carey ong. visit forcefed intro quotes holy bible proverbs 29:18 ugly face theme taken from flesh and the power it holds by chuck shuldiner. excerpts from nov.19, 1970's testimony of charles manson are used in a heaven in hell's despair. hvost composed by nordream & chernova a.

guest musicians:

lead vocals- oleg alimov (ens cogitans, oversun)
additional vocals- igor lobanov (end zone)
female vocals- svetlana kolbasina
spoken parts by boris specter (specter)
drums on ugly face by andrei ischenko (end zone)

design by ?
photos by andrei alexeev

mikhail would like to say "i love you" and thank his wife for help and tolerance.

of a hope

i have returned- another journey has come to an end
no victory and no defeat- i'm there where i would stand
was it just another useless run from what i've always been?
i failed except all those nice things i've seen

skin and bones- empty hands
stubborn pride it still demands
same old feed- same old greed
food for paltry ego

and the pain, just the pain
same old pain- my only gain
i just moved on my way
closer to my dying day

A day of battle
Torn between wanting to relieve my soul by searching for peace
And wanting to hope...

handful of dreams
and i reach out for a dope
chasing the beam 
of a dying hope

with vaguest dreams
what else could be killing as roughly
as a dying of a hope?

How many times has it let me down
How do i tear this hope out of my wretched body

vaguest dreams

It's heartbreaking how dreams die. 
Dreams don't simply vanish away overnight.
They tend to shatter and crumble and break and devastate the soul. 
They writhe in my dreams at nights, wake me up in tears, break me down piece by piece,
...they whisper tauntingly in my head just as I am taking a quiet stroll in the park, 
...they scream at me just as I am trying to settle down to sleep. 
And for years after, they remain heavy in my heart, a wound that will never quite heal.

piercing time

this piercing time!
painting monotonous trees

passionate summer is fading to die 
leaving behind only vague howling "please..."

calm hatred, 
calm pain and all soulstorms at once
reign stillness so peaceful
as leaves start their heavenly dance

give sadness 
creeping as cold morning fog
ashen skies silent as stone!

hear melancholy monologue

pour waters, 
blow whirling and fury like winds
gift sunlight so rare
days come to get cleaned

why did you call 
those remembrance so bleak 
so distant and pure?
oblivious memory rising...

this piercing time!
piercing my fossilized heart
words slowly coming into a rhyme
sing about my long ago forgotten art

i love
the bleeding heart that aches in love 
the moaning soul enchained by weird thirst 
awaiting something from somewhere above 
the floods of tears, the mourn of lost

come deify illusion breed
and turning blind, come taste this sweetest drug 
come reap the pain in beating piece of meat- 
i call it this, they call it heart

i love when it's dead
empty and cold
not a lament in my breast 
i can tell sand from true gold 
life is vain, an endless state of pain...
all kinds of pain...

then jealousy and ecstasy
will cruelly lash with burning whip 
so smothering will be the misery
and hate shall come, so bright and deep!

and in the end all strength is gone
these stupefied and devastated fools 
will become none and mentally undone
then calm i'll pass sneering stone and cool

i made it all dead
within my breast
within my head on endless quest
for what`s not pain, for what`s not vain 

the two beauties


Life has taken me again back to pain
And fallen to its delusions I came to Death

"Bestow upon me
A heart of stone,
A soul in dream dead sleep,
A frigid flesh"

Through constant anguish 
And masochistic efforts over this tortured self
I was teaching my soul to ignore

The wounded heart up-risen 
Fought against this dead torment with radiance 
Coming from where THERE IS NO DEATH
Through the shroud of pain I beheld the Two Beauties
Both in gold and dirt
Force fed, I don't choose any fuckin' longer
Being enslaved by what I am and will ever be...

The wounded heart up-risen
Fought against this dead torment with radiance 
Coming from where NOTHING IS NOT

ugly face

a heaven in hell's despair